Something is stirring in my stomach, it’s exhausting my brain and I just want to throw up. Feelings, I don’t know what to do with, don’t know where to take, can’t even flush them down the toilet. My breast are tender, perhaps I’m PMSing.. Hormones would defiantly explain this weird mood I’m currently dwelling in. It’s just that………………..
- Bills. They never go away do they? It’s funny how paper envelopes with little black numbers can cut at your spirit with such cruelty and such intent. These numbers sleep with me at night, haunt me in my dreams and seep through my thoughts on my brightest days. My grandmother cosigned a 30,000$ student loan for me and I already have to pay back the interest. She has wonderful credit and I made a promise that I would make all the payments on time….. Seems I lied. Then there is an outstanding AT&T phone bill I have to pay, with two lines. Oh, and let’s not forget the old T-Mobile bill, also with two lines (amounts to 1200$). My 3,000$ maxed out City Credit card. The -100$ I owe to the bank (not sure why). 100$ parking ticket. 100$ late movie. 300$ for my two month late care payment. Nordstrom’s and Macys credit cards (I got when I turned 18). 100$ I own to my mom for helping me pay back SalleMae student loan. My credit is not what it used to be for obvious reasons. :X my unemployment just ran out.
- School. While trying to pretend like the above paragraph doesn’t exist, I need to do my final projects. I don’t know where to start because I’m so overwhelmed with everything else. I also hate my major. Interior architecture consist of a bunch of yuppies decoration they’re house to impress they’re yuppie friends. The money that goes into decorating peoples home bothers me greatly. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have money and I can’t fathom spending 100,000 dollars on an oriental rug. Does this rug really enrich people’s lives? I suppose the rug does enrich a RICH person’s life because Rich-ie has money to burn and find’s joy every time he stomps on his golden rug sewn by virgin decants of mother Mary (I assume this is why it cost so much). Simply put, this area of expertise is not for me. I want enrich people’s lives with love, words, elevated thought, music, and history. Not vases, sofas, flooring and cabinet knobs…what wisdom can gain from such things?
- My relationship. I get so mad at you when jealousy kicks in. I think it’s just easier to take out all my stress on you. I take that back, it’s not easier but it just happens that way. I hate how we spend so much time together. I hate how our conversation sometimes feels like we’re competing. I know we hear each other but not all the time. I need you to get a job. I need help with these phone bills and you need to pull your own weight. I wish you can put yourself in my shoes and understand how hard it is to take care of two people when you can hardly take care of one. I love you so I smile and give freely but every time it hurts me.Maybelove is blind.
-JessJust_letting.life.get.the.best.of.her
